Appreciate
by JB-Forever
Summary: J.O.N.A.S. A threat on Nick started it all. Suddenly everything was happening. Joe was "mysteriously" hurt and Kevin was missing, no where to be found. The clock is racing as time for both his brothers could run out faster than they expected.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I'm trying this whole "Trailer" thing again. It's more so just flipping between the first few chapters. Let me know what you guys think and if I should post it or not. Your opinion matters. **

**So PLEASE let me know. Thanks!!**

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""Nick, talk to us."

"No."

"We're not letting you go back onstage till you tell us what's going on."

"Okay then."

"Nick!"

"What?" I sighed, annoyed with them just being there.

"What is with this attitude? You haven't been like this since you found out you had diabetes. And even then you didn't get this bad."

"Whatever."

"Don't make me sick mom on you." Joe said, crossing his arms.

"Whatever." I said again, turning around and trying to find something to busy myself so I wouldn't have to look at them.

"Nicholas, what's wrong?" Kevin asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I winced. And I think he noticed because he immediately pulled back.

"Nick?" He asked tenderly.

--

"How about I don't?" I turned back around, throwing my arms down.

"Kevin, at this point, I really don't care what you have to say." But I did. It meant everything to me.

"Then I don't care that you don't. I'm sick of this attitude Nick. I'm sick of you trying to cover up what's wrong with this fake anger or whatever you're trying to pull."

I let out loud sarcastic laugh. A little louder then I had meant. "You're sick of this "attitude"? Maybe if you paid closer attention to someone other than yourself you'd realize what was wrong!"

Kevin's face fell and when he spoke, all the anger was replaced with softness. "Is that what this is Nick?"

"No." I said angrily. I didn't mean it. But he didn't know. "But it doesn't help that you know it's true."

"I don't know it's true. Because it's not. I love you both the same and you should know that."

"Whatever." I sighed, crossing my arms again. Kevin shook his head and let out a breath. He turned around and walked out the door, leaving me to fume alone in my room.

--

As if it was answered through my fears, something crashed through the upstairs window in my room. I walked over on weak legs and picked up the rock that had been thrown into my room. It had a note attached.

**"Die, Nick Jonas, Die."**

I didn't realize I was shaking until Joe wrapped both his arms around me and pulled me close.

I was too numb to notice the tears falling down my face as the realization of this set in. There were people who wanted me to die, and to some extreme point, were planning on making it happen.

--

"Honey," My mom said, placing a hand on my cheek. "There's been an accident."

"What happened?" I asked, fear instantly written on my face.

"Nick." She said, her tears continuing to poor down her face. My first thought was that someone died. But I pushed it from my head.

"We need to get to the hospital."

--

Today meant that yesterday was no longer in existence. Maybe if I had been smarter, Kevin wouldn't be missing. Joe wouldn't be hurt. My parents wouldn't be panicking. And I wouldn't be…well, I wouldn't be here.

All the thoughts that had come to my head had never been there before. And I didn't know how to deal with them.

I should have.

Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting at the hospital, holding Joe's hand. Maybe then I wouldn't be crying because the doctors said the next 24 hours would be the most critical for my older brother. And that he might not wake up.

Ever again.

--

"Mom, where's Kevin?"

"Honey."

Oh gosh. The words the meant something had happened.

"Kevin is…" She choked on her tears.

"Mom?" I asked gently.

"Kevin is…missing."

--

"Oh Joe. I need you. Please. I need you to help me. Kevin is missing. Mom and dad are panicking. Frankie has no idea what's going on. Please Joe. Please wake up. I need you."

I think I broke.

Here I was, sobbing as I begged my older brother to wake up. Hysteria had set it. And I was long gone.

--

Leaving Joe was hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. I knew that these hours were the most critical for him if he had any chance of recovering.

"Nicholas, speaking of Joe…"

"What?" My heart was pounding through my chest as I listened to her talk.

"R-Really?" My voice was shaking like crazy, tears getting ready to rain down my face.

--

"Shhhhhh." He whispered gently in my ear and sent chills down my spine. "You gotta relax Nick. Calm down."

I tried to make my tears stop, tried to make my sobs disappear. They were quieter then before, but they weren't gone. I couldn't make them stop because I couldn't make the pain stop.

"You're gonna make yourself sick, Nicky." He said gently. "Calm down. Just breathe."

--

They were able to tell that Kevin had been drug across the street, past the side walk, and then picked up by two men who's foot steps went on for another 10 feet before disappearing. His car was gone and no where in sight.

And my fears were confirmed.

_**Someone had taken Kevin.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, well, here goes chapter 1. I've never really written like this before but yeah. I hope you don't get too bored while reading it :P**

**Let me know if you want me to continue cause I don't know if I should, lol**

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_"Nick, all I want to know is what's going on with you." Kevin sighed._

_"What does it matter?"_

_"I care about you. Joe cares. Mom and Dad care." Kevin said, placing a hand on my shoulder._

_"Yeah right." I snapped, throwing off his hand. Kevin looked hurt. I felt bad, but I couldn't stop. He didn't understand. He __couldn't understand something that doesn't even make sense to me._

_"Nicholas, what is going on with you? You're never like this."_

_"Kevin, why don't you just leave me alone?" I asked, crossing mine arms over my chest and turning my back to my brother._

_"How about I don't?" I turned back around, throwing my arms down._

_"Kevin, at this point, I really don't care what you have to say." But I did. It meant everything to me._

_"Then I don't care that you don't. I'm sick of this attitude Nick. I'm sick of you trying to cover up what's wrong with this fake anger or whatever you're trying to pull."_

_I let out loud sarcastic laugh. A little louder then I had meant. "You're sick of this "attitude"? Maybe if you paid closer attention to someone other than yourself you'd realize what was wrong!"_

_"Oh, you think I only care about myself?!" He yelled. "Why would I be here? Why would I be trying to help?!"_

_"Maybe cause you're trying to fool everyone! But you can't fool me! You're selfish and we both know it!" What was I saying?_

_"Ha!" It was Kevin's turn to laugh as we continued yelling. "I'M selfish? You're the one who's been walking around all week with this new "I own the world" attitude! You're the one who is pushing everyone aside and acting like no one matters!"_

_"Maybe cause they don't!" I screamed, anger showing in my face. I knew he was right. "Maybe you and Joe need to stop acting like stuck up brats all the time! Stop pretending like you care! You could care less! You always liked Joe more so what does it matter?!"_

_Kevin's face fell and when he spoke, all the anger was replaced with softness. "Is that what this is Nick?"_

_"No." I said angrily. I didn't mean it. But he didn't know. "But it doesn't help that you know it's true."_

_"I don't know it's true. Because it's not. I love you both the same and you should know that."_

_"Whatever." I sighed, crossing my arms again. Kevin shook his head and let out a breath. He turned around and walked out the door, leaving me to fume alone in my room._

But had I known that would be the last time I would see Kevin, I wouldn't have let him walk out. I would have stopped him. I would have told him I was sorry, I didn't mean what I said, and I loved him.

But I didn't know it then.

Today meant that yesterday was no longer in existence. Maybe if I had been smarter, Kevin wouldn't be missing. Joe wouldn't be hurt. My parents wouldn't be panicking. And I wouldn't be…well, I wouldn't be here.

And this was definitely the last place I wanted to be.

It had started out ordinary enough. We were back at home in LA before our next tour started. We had one month to do whatever we wanted. But, for the purposes of avoiding the paparazzi, we had chosen to mostly stay inside. And trust me, staying inside that long…well, you run out of stuff to do very fast.

I was checking our Myspace. You'd never believe how many messages we get. Usually we look for titles that stand out. Most of the time we don't even check them because there are so many. But I had reached a point of extreme boredom and there was nothing else to do. So why not?

I came across a message titled "Thank You For Saving Me." I couldn't help but click on it. Inside, a girl spilled about how our music was helping her and that her Grandma had died from cancer. What do you say to that?

I wanted to say I was sorry and that I knew how it felt. But I couldn't. Cause I didn't.

Truth was, I didn't know what it felt like to lose someone I loved. Didn't know what it felt like to lose a best friend, a family member, or someone close to me. I had lived a sheltered life when it came to that.

So I closed the message. There was no point in trying to think of something to say. I signed off and headed downstairs. Maybe Joe and Kevin could provide some form of entertainment on this never ending day.

How wrong I was. After watching them play Guitar Hero for 10 minutes, I found myself getting bored again. I think this day was slowly going to kill me. Kevin was an expert at that game. Joe was…okay. Not as good as Kevin. And I was…okay, if there was a level below easy, I'd be on it.

I decided to head back upstairs and give the computer another try. I didn't realize Joe had watched me leave but I did hear the sound of Kevin smacking him upside the head with the plastic guitar during his victory dance as I headed out of the room laughing.

So back to the computer I went. But I wish I hadn't. I logged back on to our Myspace. But before I went to the messages, I noticed a bunch of bulletins. They were all talking about deleting someone. Being the curious person I was, I clicked on one that said "**Jonas Fans React NOW!" **I wanted to see what was causing so much commotion with our fans.

And I found out.

I clicked on the link provided to block the person. It led me to their profile and there was no turning back. The person's name was "I'd Rather Kill" and their headline was what made my heart stop. It read "Die Nick Jonas, Die."

If I thought that was bad, then what came next would completely change my mind. On the page were reasons why you should hate me. Saying I was ugly, couldn't sing and I whine about my diabetes. It went on to list so many reasons that I couldn't continue to read them. And below, worst of all, were people who agreed and felt the same.

I'm not really sure how long I sat there in shock. I didn't hear Joe and Kevin knocking at the door but the next thing I knew, Joe wrapped an arm around me and led me away from the computer and over to my bed. Kevin was sitting down and posting a bulletin, indicating that they had looked at the page.

As if it was answered through my fears, something crashed through the upstairs window in my room. Joe immediately ran to the window to see what it was and who had done it. But as he looked down, there was no one there. I walked over on weak legs and picked up the rock that had been thrown into my room. It had a note attached.

"**Die, Nick Jonas, Die."**

I didn't realize I was shaking until Joe wrapped both his arms around me and pulled me close. I didn't know what I was feeling. And I wasn't sure if they had seen the thing I sought not to mention. The people who agreed were planning my death, coming up with ways to kill me.

I was shocked. Upset, in disbelief, and so many other things. It's one thing to not like someone, but to say they need to die is a different story. And to plan their death…that's a novel of its own.

I was too numb to notice the tears falling down my face as the realization of this set in. There were people who wanted me to die, and to some extreme point, were planning on making it happen.

I don't know why it was upsetting me so much. I was overly protected with security.

"It's okay Nick." Joe said, pulling me closer. He felt so warm. So comforting. But it was nothing to take away this coldness that had filled my chest and was slowing freezing my heart.

Kevin had headed back and was hurrying on the computer. I knew he wanted to come comfort me too. He finished his sentence and closed down the screen, walking over and joining us on the bed as Joe led me over there again.

_"A Very Important Message"_

_"Hey guys,_

_We just wanted to thank all of our true fans. We found out about a Myspace that was addressed to hating Nick._

_All of our fans acted quickly to get the person deleted, but unfortunately, we saw it before it was gone._

_We are all very upset that people would feel like this but we also are very happy at how fast you fans reacted._

_Thank you guys for being there and being the most amazing fans ever._

_JB_

_Kevin, Joe, and Nick"_

I wasn't sobbing, but I wasn't crying lightly. It was a mixture. I couldn't think straight enough to fully understand the words Kevin and Joe were saying.

"Don't worry. We're gonna get Big Rob on this." Kevin said. But it didn't faze me.

"It's okay Nick. We won't let anything happen." Joe said gently, rubbing his hand up and down my back. It had always provided some sort of comfort. It seemed to do that with all of us.

But right now it was only slightly dipping into the pain that I wanted to disappear. I couldn't explain it. It was this big empty feeling. One that you would try to eat away, yet nothing seems to fill it. And no matter how hard you try, it doesn't go away.

"Are you okay Nick?"

I hadn't noticed Kevin trying to pull me out of my shock, so I numbly nodded my head.

But I wasn't okay. And I didn't know why.

Kevin took his time holding me like Joe had done, trying everything he could to comfort me. But I feared it was only me who wasn't letting the comfort work. Kevin needed to go tell our parents and as Joe wrapped me up in his warm embrace again, I found myself holding tightly back on to him, trying to use the warmth he was providing.

_I was so cold._

I watched Kevin walk out the door and head downstairs.

Little did I know then, but the next time he'd be walking out the door without me...

He wouldn't be coming back.


	3. Chapter 3

So I'm prolly not gonna keep this story up. Not too many people seem interested. And don't worry, I haven't given up on my other stories. I'm working on them right now. And the first few chapters of this are already written so it's not taking away from the other time. Anywho, I'll see. But I do hope the few of you reading this enjoy!

And thanks to everyone who left a review.

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_"Mom, what's wrong?"_

_"Honey," She said, placing a hand on my cheek. "There's been an accident."_

_"What happened?" I asked, fear instantly written on my face._

_"Nick." She said, her tears continuing to poor down her face. My first thought was that someone died. But I pushed it from my head._

_"We need to get to the hospital."_

That week had been shot down from the beginning. 5 days before this, I was sitting on my bed, wrapped up in Joe's arms as he tried to comfort me. Those 5 days had changed everything. They changed me.

I became something I hated. I pushed away everyone. I wouldn't listen to what anyone had to say. I was empty, and I didn't know why.

It might have been because I was scared.

Or maybe because someone was planning to kill me.

Either way, I became the unthinkable. I was a jerk. And the biggest one at that. I found myself saying things I didn't mean, only to make the people I cared about, stop caring about me. For some reason of which I don't know, I thought that if everyone would stop loving me, then no one else could get hurt.

I was the one that needed to die after all.

Or so people agreed. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true. But it had piled on my heart so much that any doubt of it had been replaced. All the thoughts that had come to my head had never been there before. And I didn't know how to deal with them.

I should have.

Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting at the hospital, holding Joe's hand. Maybe then I wouldn't be crying because the doctors said the next 24 hours would be the most critical for my older brother. And that he might not wake up.

Ever again.

That meant that I would officially go down as the dumbest person in the world. That I would never get the chance to tell Joe that I was sorry. And I loved him. I would never get to share any great experiences again because I had been stupid enough to let something as small as this bug me.

"Mom, where's Kevin?"

After sitting in Joe's room for 15 minutes, it had only then sunk in that my eldest brother wasn't there.

And as my mom had burst into sobs, I knew something was wrong.

"Honey."

Oh gosh. The words the meant something had happened. I subconsciously tightened my grip on Joe's hand.

"Kevin is…" She choked on her tears.

"Mom?" I asked gently.

"Kevin is…missing."

Those had been the sentences that had almost ended my life. If I had felt sad before, that was nothing compared to this. My heart was ripped from my chest and completely shredded in front of my eyes. My brothers were hurt, missing, because of me.

And that was it.

6 days ago, I had been proud to say that I had never lost a loved one. Never lost a best friend, a family member, or someone close to me.

But I didn't know then what I know now.

I didn't realize how much time I had wasted. Didn't realize how much those small little things actually meant. The ones that most people take for granted. And most importantly, I didn't realize how much could change so fast.

If only I had known that 6 days ago.

I think I underestimated. I overlooked the qualities of life. The good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly, and everything in between. It's the times like these that make you completely reconsider what life is about.

And maybe if I had known this before, I could have stopped it. Could have told myself what would happen. Could have done something to change the outcome that currently had a hold of my life and was strangling me to death.

Or maybe I deserved it.

Maybe this was how it needed to be. I had been stupid enough to make these mistakes. Stupid enough to push everyone away. Stupid enough to let something so small create such a huge impact. I had been the one who caused this all. I had been the one who hurt Joe and the one who sent Kevin missing.

The hospital setting only made it more real. Only made me feel even worse. At this point, I didn't deserve to be alive. It was just another reason to add to that Myspace list. How I was the stupidest person ever.

"Joe." I started, my voice clearly shaking from the tears that were raining down my face.

"Joey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It never should have gone this far. I can't…I can't even begin to apologize for how stupid I was. I never should have said those things. I never should have acted the way I did. It took my brothers getting hurt to realize this."

I let out a laugh. But nothing was funny. It was the "I can't believe how stupid I acted" kind of thing. As the realization of this set it. It took my brothers getting put in life or death situations to pull me out of the daze I had been in.

"Oh Joe. I need you. Please. I need you to help me. Kevin is missing. Mom and dad are panicking. Frankie has no idea what's going on. Please Joe. Please wake up. I need you."

I think I broke.

Something inside me clicked. Snapped. Here I was, sobbing as I begged my older brother to wake up. Hysteria had set it. And I was long gone. There was no turning back now. I couldn't undo what had been already done. Couldn't undo the pain.

And whatever Kevin was going through. I couldn't even imagine. I had no idea where he was. What he was doing. If someone was hurting him or if he was trying to find his way back. Whatever had happened, even the smallest of injuries, would be put upon me.

I stayed crying with my head resting on the side of Joe's bed and holding tightly onto his hand. I'd be gone the next day. I knew what I had to do.

**And the search for Kevin began.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so I'm gonna keep this up because there's like 6 people who like it.**

**So for you 6 people, one, thank you, and two, I made this chapter special. I added two chapters in one. Mostly because I just wanted to get this in and yeah. So thank you so much for your reviews.**

**And thank you for reading. Let me know if you like it.**

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Chapter 3

_"Nick, honestly. What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing." I sighed._

_"I know that something is. Why don't you just talk about it?" Joe asked, sitting down on the bed beside me._

_"It's nothing." It's everything._

_"You're lying. And worst, you're bad at it." Joe said. It's not that I was bad, it's just that Joe knew me better than that._

_"It doesn't matter Joe. Just drop it." I sensed a hint of anger in my voice and felt bad for giving him an attitude._

_"Nicky." He said gently. "Tell me what's bothering you. Tell me what's got you so upset."_

_I hated when he did that. He ignored my anger and gave me this soft voice that always sent chills down my spine. It almost always made me crack. But I couldn't let it this time._

_"Forget it." I mumbled, burying my face into my hands. "Kevin's already gone."_

_"What do you mean?" He asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulders._

_"I yelled at him. I said…I said a lot of stuff. And…he left." I said, pulling my head out of my hands. Joe pulled me closer, wrapping both his arms around me._

_"What did you say?"_

_I didn't want to answer. I knew that once I told him, the comfort he was giving me would be gone. And I needed it. So bad. I didn't want him to know, but I did._

_"Nick?"_

_"I called him selfish…said he always liked you better…told him if you guys weren't so stuck up that you'd notice…what…was…wrong." I let my voice trail off. Fear of Joe leaving me was making me almost ready to cry._

_"How long ago did he leave?" Was what he asked quietly. He hadn't moved his arms yet._

_"Probably 10 minutes ago." I sighed. He let go of me. He stood up without a word and walked towards the door._

_"I really wish you would know that that's not true. You don't know how much Kevin loves you. How much he's always looking out for you. How much he does without you ever knowing." He left the room and closed the door behind him._

The thing I needed the most was the one I had forsaken. I pushed away the things that mattered. The things I needed. I was too caught up to notice them slipping from my grip. They were out of my reach, gone, and maybe never coming back. It was the thing I needed most that I had let slip from my fingers.

And now I had to fix it.

I went with all the police. I went with all the teams. I started the search for Kevin because it's what I needed to do. I needed to find my older brother. No matter what state he was in. I needed to say what should have been said earlier.

I'm sorry.

But those words could not hold the pain that I felt. They could not express how much I had messed up. That's all they were. Words. Just 2 simple words. Nothing that would ever take back what I did. Could ever undo the things I said and the way I acted. They couldn't take away the pain I knew that I had caused Kevin. But they were a start. They were all I had.

Leaving Joe was hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. I knew that these hours were the most critical for him if he had any chance of recovering. But I knew that if he couldn't hold on any longer, he'd at least know that I was sorry.

But I couldn't say the same for Kevin.

It was me. It was my fault. I was the only person to blame. It was my doings that had Kevin missing. That had Joe currently fighting for his life. That had my parents losing their minds. And that had sent me on this mission. The search for one of the two people I needed most.

I was scared. Scared someone was hurting Kevin. Scared something bad would happen. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to crawl in a hole, away from the real world. Maybe then I'd find some source of peace. But I couldn't hide. I had to face what I had done. Maybe after Kevin and Joe were safe, I'd be able to run away from this all. But right now, their safety was all that mattered.

--

I think we looked for 2 hours before we finally came across something. I had called my parents every 15 minutes to check on Joe. He still hadn't woke up. And now, along with the many search teams, we had found a lead.

Kevin's shoe.

It was in the middle of the street, not far from where our house was. It was a deserted street mostly, leading to houses and giving short cuts to other places. And it wasn't much to go by. Well, that's what I had thought. But that's cause I didn't notice the tire marks on the ground. The blood that had blended in to the pavement. The drag marks from Kevin's other shoe. Or the ID that had fallen from Joe's pocket.

From this small amount of information, the search team had been able to play out what happened. They were able to tell that Kevin had been drug across the street, past the side walk, and then picked up by two men who's foot steps went on for another 10 feet before disappearing. His car was gone and no where in sight.

And my fears were confirmed.

Someone had taken Kevin. For what reason, I wasn't sure. I feared I might never know. But worst, I feared my brother was hurt. And it was all because of me. I might not see my brothers ever again.

Ever again meant that I officially was the dumbest person alive. There was no doubt. No question. Nothing compared to this. I needed to claim my prize and go home. **I was an idiot. **I was spinning the wheel of life and I stopped on "lose everything." I landed behind bars and there was no get out of jail free card.

I hate board games.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Do you guys ever fight?"

"Well, of course. But nothing big. We have small fights about things that don't really matter. But we can't really stay mad at each other. We work together everyday."

_"Nick, talk to us."_

_"No."_

_"We're not letting you go back on stage till you tell us what's going on."_

_"Okay then."_

_"Nick!"_

_"What?" I sighed, annoyed with them just being there._

_"What is with this attitude? You haven't been like this since you found out you had diabetes. And even then you didn't get this bad."_

_"Whatever."_

_"Don't make me sick mom on you." Joe said, crossing his arms. I turned around and glared at him._

_"That's pathetic."_

_"No, what's pathetic is this." He shot back. He wasn't angry. He was more…frustrated. And it made it even harder to continue._

_"Whatever." I said again, turning around and trying to find something to busy myself so I wouldn't have to look at them._

_"Nicholas, what's wrong?" Kevin asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I winced. And I think he noticed cause he immediately pulled back._

_"Nick?" He asked tenderly. My heart broke. He was caring, too caring. He didn't mind that I was being a jerk._

_I couldn't say anything else. I was about to cry and opening my mouth would give it away. I just looked down, not noticing that Joe could see the tears threatening to escape._

_He did something that surprised me. He walked up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. Then Kevin joined in too. I couldn't understand why. Why they were being so nice._

_But I needed it. I needed this comfort. And as soon as they surrounded me with their overwhelming love, I was just that. Overwhelmed. So much so, that I thought my legs would give out from under me and I would start sobbing._

_That's why I pulled away and walked out the door, leaving them with sad looks on their faces._

.

**Comfort: **To soothe in time of affliction or distress. To ease physically; relieve. Solace in time of grief or fear.

**Comfort: **The thing I had forsaken; and would never get again.

I didn't deserve it anyway.

My parents would be proud that I went on the search for Kevin, if they only didn't know I had been the one to make him missing. Joe would be searching every step with me, if I hadn't been the one to put him in the hospital. My life would be okay, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did.

We were following the tracks, well, looking for them, to try and see where Kevin had been taken to. We were all spread out, looking for anything we could in the deserted area. I just wanted a sign. One little sign that everything would be alright.

And my phone rang. I looked down and saw that my mom was calling. And my heart dropped. There would be two reasons she was calling. One, to see if we found Kevin. Or two, to tell me something happened to Joe.

"H-hello?" I asked in the phone.

"Nick, have you found anything?" My mom's phone rang over.

I nodded my head, forgetting I was on the phone. "We found his shoe. And we found Joe's ID." I purposely left out the blood and the drag marks. I didn't want her to freak out just yet.

"Nicholas, speaking of Joe…"

"What?" My heart was pounding through my chest.

"He's awake."

I almost dropped the phone. Well actually, I did, but I caught it before it hit the ground.

"Really?" My voice was shaking like crazy, tears getting ready to rain down my face.

"Really. He wants to talk to you." I could hear the compassion in her voice. But why would he want to talk to me?

"Hello?"

"Joe?" I couldn't believe it. It seemed so unreal. But so did this whole situation.

"Sup, little bro?" His voice was weak and I could tell he was trying to sound stronger. You could hear the pain though.

"Hey." I couldn't hold it back anymore as I burst out in tears, trying to pull the mouth of the phone away so Joe wouldn't hear.

"Nicky…are...are you crying?" He asked, suddenly filled with concern.

"No, I'm okay." I sniffed, obviously giving it away.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just happy. You…I'm just glad you're okay."

"What else is wrong?" I hated how he did that.

"Kevin…he…" I trailed off again. "I'll tell you when I get back." That was a lot easier.

"Okay." His voice was filled with understanding. "I will be here. Promise."

"I love you Joe."

"I love you too Nick."

It was getting late, but I didn't want to stop looking for Kevin. They were gonna make me in a few minutes. Someone would drive me back to the hospital as they continued without me. I'd have to deal with it. At least I could go back and pray.

It didn't take long to get to the hospital. Well, my heart was beating a million miles per hour so I think everything was moving fast to me. I wanted to see Joe, but every time my mind would advert back to Kevin. Was he hurt? Yes. Was it my fault? Yes. Was he okay? We didn't know. I had to know.

I ran through the doors and through the waiting room. I ran to the second floor where they had my older brother. But as I made it to the door, I stopped. Did I really deserve to talk to him? I had put him there in the first place after all. And would I be selfish by asking for his love again? I didn't deserve it. I just didn't.

But I opened the door. My mom looked up and smiled a sad smile at me. I looked over at Joe and then to the floor. Joe had more strength to him, though he was still not the same. He was in a sitting position, propped up by a pillow and rubbing the side of his arm.

"I'll be in the cafeteria. I'll let you two talk." She said, excusing herself as she closed the door behind her.

"Nick?"

I looked up. Joe had a worried look on his face. And there I went again making them feel bad. Doing something else.

"Come here." He wasn't demanding, but softer. He picked up that something was wrong. I dragged my feet the whole way over, not lifting my gaze. Kind of like Kevin had been drug across the road. He had put up a fight though. They could tell from the evidence. Kevin was strong.

I was weak.

Joe put his hand on my cheek and I looked up with glossy eyes. His wrist was bandaged. His face had cuts on it. They scared me. _He_ scared me. Every bruise, cut, burn, mark, and anything else carved upon him reflected what I had done. _He_ reflected what I had done.

"Are-" I didn't let him finish. I leaned down, laying my head on the side of the bed and I sunk. I started sobbing, letting my tears finally fall. He wrapped his arms around me quickly.

"Nick, what's wrong?" He asked gently. I couldn't talk. Instead, he pulled me up further so I was sitting on the side of the bed and he pulled me into a hug. I rested my face in his chest as I continued crying.

"Shh, hey, what's the matter?" He asked softly. I opened my mouth but choked on my tears. He tightened his grip around me and began to slowly rub my back.

And there was my comfort.

There it was after so long. It's what made me crack. I was a river and there was nothing to stop the strong pull of the water. I had finally let everything sink in. I had finally let my heart break.

"Shh. Calm down. Shh." His calming method was a positive, but was playing no part in the overall effect. I had 6 days of crying that needed to be let out. 6 days of pain that would never go away. 6 days of stupid mistakes that could never be taken back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered.

That's what surprised me. If I hadn't been crying so hard, I would have asked him why he was sorry. I would have told him that it was my fault, not his. But the sobs were escaping my throat and I couldn't do anything else but hold tightly onto him.

"I'm sorry I left you like that, Nick. I'm sorry I couldn't help you find Kevin."

I shook my head and pulled away. "Wasn't…your fault….mine." That's all I could get out in the air I had. He shook his head too and tears started to fall from his own eyes. He pulled me close again.

I would have loved to stop crying at that point. But the pain from Joe added into mine and I couldn't control myself. My body was shaking horribly and Joe was holding on tightly as if a strong wind was trying to take me away. He was trying to calm me. To make me relax.

He ran his hand through my hair as he continued to rub my back. I had my head sideways on his chest and I moved my legs so I was completely on the bed, lying next to him as he comforted me.

"Shhhhhh." He whispered gently in my ear and sent chills down my spine. "You gotta relax Nicky. Calm down."

I tried to make my tears stop, tried to make my sobs disappear. They were quieter then before, but they weren't gone. I couldn't make them stop because I couldn't make the pain stop.

"You're gonna make yourself sick, Nicky." He said gently. "Calm down. Just breathe."

He rubbed my back encouragingly as I focused on my breathing.

"Relax." He soothed. I got my sobs to stop but my tears wouldn't. So I stayed wrapped up in Joe's arms, silent tears falling down my face. My head still resting on his chest and my eyes closing tiredly.

I didn't notice my mom coming in because I had fallen asleep. But Joe did. He noticed the tears on her cheeks and the look in her eyes.

He asked what had happened quietly, trying not to wake me.

"We found Kevin."


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, here's this chapter, lol. I'm trying to update everything today and tomorrow.**

**Finals next week. Oh gosh. So wish me luck with updating!**

**As a side note, this chapter was really hard to write. Seriously, I had to stop for a couple days and it also gave me like...ahhhh...can't explain, lol. I got too into it and it scared me really bad. I'm not even kidding. I guess you'll see why in the second part, lol.**

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**Thanks for the tons of reviews last chapter! Let me know what you think of this one.**

**Thanks**

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Mistaken is a word that commonly needed to be used in my family. I had been mistaken in the things I said to my brothers. Mistaken in the way I acted. Just like my mom had been mistaken when she said that Kevin was found. They hadn't _found_ Kevin. Well, technically speaking.

But I was no longer asleep when those words escaped her mouth, much to Joe's disappointment. I opened my eyes tiredly and attempted to hear the next thing that came from my mom's mouth but I couldn't understand it.

"They found him?" I asked groggily, pulling myself up from Joe.

"Hang on there kiddo." He said gently, stopping me from getting up all the way. I didn't resist against his arms and I laid my head back down on his chest.

"Mom, what do you mean?" Joe asked.

"They found more clues and it led them there."

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to keep my eyes open. I was beyond confused. And way to tired to try and focus.

"They may have found where Kevin is."

"May have?"

"Well…they're not sure. They found evidence that led them to a building and they suspect that Kevin is inside. But there are some problems."

"What?" I asked sleepily.

"They don't know if Kevin is hurt. And they don't what could happen if they try and break in. Someone is in there with him. They don't want to take a risk they don't have to."

"So what are they gonna do?" I looked up in my older brother's worried eyes. They looked so much darker in this light.

"They're gonna try and see where he is in the building."

I tried to pull away from him. "I need to go help."

"No, Nick. You need to rest." He said, keeping me from getting up fully. I couldn't break free from his arms. I had no energy.

"Please, Joe. I have to go help Kevin." I probably sounded like a lunatic at that point. My words were slurred together but you could hear the begging in my voice. I think it made it even harder for Joe to keep me there.

"No, Nick. They have it covered. You need to sleep."

I sighed and laid back down, resting my head on his chest again.

"I wanna go help him." I sighed, my eyes filling with tears.

"I know Nicky. But he's gonna be okay. They're gonna get him out."

I could hear sadness in his voice. He was worried about his older brother, just like I was. Kevin was our protector. Our voice of reason. He was the one who made sure we were okay. And I was the one who had been stupid enough to tell him it meant nothing. To tell him he was a bad brother. But he wasn't.

I was.

I was the worst brother in all of history. At least that could be documented. I was awful. And that was an understatement. I wasn't sure how Joe could sit there and hug me. At this point in time, _I_ couldn't even stand me.

But Joe kept his arms around me as I started crying again. I just wanted to know Kevin was okay.

"I'm so stupid." I cried, burying my face into Joe's chest.

"You're not stupid Nick. You can't beat yourself up over this."

"I am, Joe. I made Kevin leave. I made you both get hurt. I don't deserve to be here. I wish I could trade places with Kevin."

"Nick, stop. You know that Kevin will forgive you. You know he doesn't blame you. No one else blames you. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm sorry." I sniffed, tears continuing to pour down my face.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Joe said, running his hand up and down my back.

I closed my eyes, letting out a shaky breath. He was so understanding. And I was so pathetic. I was tired, but I was trying to stay awake.

"Go to sleep Nick." He whispered, continuing to rub my back and coax me into sleep.

"Okay." I mumbled. I think he could hear the hesitation in my voice though.

"I promise I'll let you know when we find something out." He said softly.

"Promise?" I asked, my voice trailing off.

"I promise."

That was enough to send me into sleep.

--

"We're gathered here today to give our love and honoring to the late Paul Kevin Jonas."

It was 2 days later. I wasn't in the hospital anymore. I was standing next to Joe. He was dressed in all black, as was I and everyone else standing around us. He was crying. I don't think I've ever seen him cry like this.

"Kevin was a very loving boy. He was very protective of all his friends and family. He was generous, kind and very caring. No one can explain why this happened to Kevin but we all know he's in God's hands now."

We were standing in front of a casket. But it wasn't closed. My mom was on the other side of it, sobbing softly and my dad was crying along with her. Frankie had his arms wrapped around her leg and was looking away. I think he was crying too.

Everyone was there except Kevin.

"May you rest in peace, Paul Kevin Jonas the second."

I felt my heart catch in my throat. That was my brother. My hero. My savior.

That was my mistake.

Kevin had been taken. And Kevin had been hurt. They hadn't gotten him out of there in time. The people who had him had done enough damage to Kevin that he didn't survive. They had killed him. And all because of me.

I could see Joe shaking next to me, but I couldn't do anything. I was stuck. Everyone was walking by Kevin's casket and saying one last goodbye. Some of the people I had never seen before and others were family I hadn't seen in so long.

Joe finally started to move and walked by Kevin's casket. He stopped and whispered something I couldn't hear before telling Kevin he loved him and would see him in eternity. It was my turn now and I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to say I was sorry.

I slowly took a step up and looked down into the casket. That was the second biggest mistake I had made. I felt myself get dizzy and the color drained from my face. My legs gave way and I collapsed down to the ground.

"Nick? Nick, wake up."

Kevin was pale. Paler than I had even seen. He was in a black tux and his arms were folded neatly over his stomach. His sparkle was gone. Everything was gone. This wasn't the Kevin I knew. That Kevin was gone and what was left was lying right in front of me.

Dead.

--

"No!"

"Nick!"

I rolled off the bed, out of Joe's arms, and landed hard on the floor. It knocked the wind out of me as I started gasping for breath.

"Nick!" Joe cried again.

I quickly pushed myself up onto my hands and stood, racing towards the bathroom. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet and emptied everything in my stomach. The site of Kevin's pale cold body was too much for me to handle.

After a few seconds, everything I had was gone. I sat back on my heels and started crying. It hadn't been real. But it had felt so much like it. It had felt like I really lost my brother.

I needed Joe.

I stood up. It was so hard to walk. I used the wall for support as I started slowly walking back out. Joe's face was a mixture of extreme concern and worry. I'd be worried too if I was him. Though I was worried enough as it was.

I made it to Joe's bed and collapsed. He quickly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest as I struggled to breathe.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Kev-Kevin…He…" I choked.

"Breathe." Joe said gently. "What happened to Kevin?"

"He…died." I let out a sob and Joe tightened his grip around me.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head. I wasn't okay. It was the scariest thing I had even seen. I felt like that image would haunt me forever. I never wanted to go back to sleep.

"It's okay, Nick. It's okay. Kevin is okay."

I started to sob again. Kevin wasn't okay. He wouldn't be as long as he was there and hurt.

"It was so scary." I cried, wrapping my arms around Joe.

"What happened in it?"

"I…I don't know." I said, trying to take deep breaths. "He was already gone. And we…were at….his funeral. And his…his casket was…open."

I quickly pulled my hand up and placed it over my mouth, feeling like I was gonna get sick again.

"Okay. Calm down. Calm down." Joe said quickly. He let out a breath and pulled me closer. "Try not to think about it. I know it can't be easy. But you gotta try."

"It looked so real." I sobbed. "It was like he was really gone."

"He's not gone. He's okay. He's okay." Joe repeated, trying to force it into my head. But he couldn't convince me of something I knew wasn't true.

I closed my eyes and continued to let the tears fall. I was sweating and my breathing was coming in short breaths. I was shivering, even though I wasn't cold. I felt Joe place his hand on my forehead.

"Oh Nicky, you're burning up." He sighed. "Relax. You're making yourself sick. You gotta try and calm down."

I tried to take calming breaths. Joe started rubbing my back softly and I felt myself slipping into the dreamless sleep I needed.

--

"Joe?" A voice whispered. It was soft, trying not to wake me. "Joe, honey, wake up."

"Mom?" Joe asked tiredly. "What's wrong?"

"Sweetheart, they went in to get Kevin."

"What?"

"The police. They located him. They went into the building."

"They-they found him?"

"Yes honey. But some things went wrong."

"What?"

It was silent and Joe was trembling.

"Mom?"

"Honey…"


	6. Chapter 6

One more song about moving along the highway. Don't know much of anything that's new...

A little bit longer and I'll be fine...

But you're so far away, yeah

(Little bit longer!)

You're so far away, yeah

(A little bit longer...)

**Oh gosh, thank you for the enormous amount of reviews last chapter! Looks like I DO have more than 6 readers, lol**

**Well I hope you guys like this chapter, it took a while to write.**

**Let me know what you think and thanks again for all the reviews!**

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I wasn't there, even though I wish I had been, I wasn't there. But this is how the story went. Or so I was told. In this given situation, they might have left some things out.

"_Mr. Jonas, we've located Kevin on the 4__th__ floor."_

"_Okay. How does it look?"_

"_It's risky." The officer sighed. "But it's all or nothing at this point."_

"_Alright. Let's just do all we can to get him out of this unharmed. We don't want to cause any more damage." Paul said. _

"_Copy unit 5. We see an opening. All officers move." The voice rang over everyone's walkie-talkies. _

"_Got it." The officer next to Paul said, grabbing his arm and leading him towards the building. It was a shipping building, an old one at that. It was downtown where not a lot of people ventured. _

_The officers snuck up towards the building, Paul included. He was glad that his second to youngest boy had been sent back to the hospital after he had spent many hours searching. He was only 15. He shouldn't have to go through this. _

_Paul and the officer next to him, Justin, slowly crept into the building. They were motioned up the stairs by different officers who were spread all the way up them. Quietly, they took each daring step up to what had potential to be something life threatening to not only them, but Kevin. _

_Finally, they made it up to the 4__th__ floor. More officers were in the narrow hallway, standing outside a door. Justin and Paul pushed themselves against the wall, making way to the door. _

"_Okay, ready?" An officer whispered, pulling out his hand gun and getting it at the ready. Paul nodded._

_The officer kicked the door and it burst open. He rushed in, followed by Paul, Justin, and a team of officers. Inside were four boys who were sitting in a circle in the middle of the room. They all looked up at the loud sound. Two got up and started to run but didn't make it far before they were tackled to the ground. _

_The other two let the officers throw them to the ground and handcuff them. What was surprising was how young they were. The two who had gotten up to run looked around Nick's age. The other two were around Kevin's age. _

"_How many more are there?" An officer asked one of the older ones as he held them down._

"_None." He said harshly. "It's just us."_

"_Where's Kevin?" Justin yelled at a younger boy. The boy remained silent. "Where is he?!"_

"_Next floor." The boy said meekly. _

_Justin looked at Paul for one moment as their silent communication was understood. They both ran from the room at the same time. They bounced up the stairs two at a time and made it to another narrow hallway. There were many doors and no time to try and pick one. Justin raced to the first door while Paul started on the other side. _

_As Paul made it to the third door on his side, Justin suddenly yelled his name._

"_Paul!" Justin raced into the room before Paul had made it there. In the middle of the floor was a body. Kevin's body._

_Justin ran as fast as he could and threw himself down onto his knees next to Kevin's curled up form. Kevin was awake and whimpering slightly. He was looking straight ahead at nothing and his eyes were glazed over. _

"_Kevin." Justin said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder as Paul entered the room and ran over. He kneeled down next to Justin and took in Kevin's appearance. _

_Kevin had bruises on his face that had just started to form, along with older ones that were a dark shade of purple now. He had blood on his arms and the front of his shirt. It was also mixed in with his matted hair which was still mostly straight from before he was taken. _

_Justin let Paul take over and got up, exiting the room to find help. _

"_Kevin, can you hear me?" Paul asked gently, resting a hand on his back. _

"_D-dad?" Kevin's voice was quiet and filled with pain as he looked up towards his father. _

"_Yes son. It's me. You're safe now. We're gonna get you out of here." _

_But that was easier said then done. The door behind them suddenly slammed shut and Paul quickly looked over. A fifth man, one that shouldn't have existed, was standing with his back to the door and a gun in his hand. _

"_I'm afraid I can't let you do that." He said. He was young. Older then Kevin, but still young._

--

I wasn't there, even though I should have been, I wasn't. I was trapped in a hospital with my older brother who was worse off then I was. And soon enough, I was going to end up in a hospital bed just like Joe.

"Nick, relax." Joe said gently. I had been pacing back and forth all night once Joe had woken me up to tell me what happened. After the story, I couldn't think anymore. My mind was moving too fast and this was definitely one ride I wanted to get off of.

"Nick!" I stopped in my tracks to look over at him. I was basically dead on my feet. It certainly looked like it and I certainly felt like it. I ached all over. Emotional pain had turned into physical and I was becoming sicker by the second.

"Come here." The tone in his voice was that of the first time he had said it. When I had found out he was awake. I sighed and walked over, refusing to sit down.

"You need to lye down. You're really sick Nick and you're not making it better."

"I can't help it!" I cried, throwing my hands up in the air, starting my pace again. "Both dad and Kevin are out there, with God knows who! And there's nothing I can do! They could be hurt! They could be d-"

"Nicholas!" Joe said sharply. I closed my eyes and turned around to face him, opening them once more. "Don't ever say that. They're gonna be fine."

"Yeah right." I said under my breath. My fever and aches were getting the best of me and making me say things I shouldn't.

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely, hoping he would understand.

"It's okay." He said, giving me a sad look. I couldn't handle his eyes so I began to pace again.

I looked down at my watch impatiently, wearing a hole in the floor from my socks. Failed attempts from my mom to calm me had left her talking to police officers outside the room, getting more information on Kevin.

"Nick, come here." Joe said again. I stopped my pace and walked over towards his bed, this time sitting down on the side and resting my face into my hands. I didn't want to tell him but I was about ready to pass out. My head was spinning and things in my eyesight were starting to move in ways they shouldn't.

Joe placed a comforting hand on my back.

"Why don't you lye down, Nick? You look terrible."

"I resent that coming from someone who looks like you." I said with a laugh. Joe smiled and pulled me back from my hands.

I shifted on the bed and laid down on the pillow next to him. He had propped himself up on his elbow to allow me more room and I slid a bit further towards the bottom of the pillow so he could rest his head if he wanted to.

"Much better." He said, brushing away some of my curls. I closed my eyes as he started to run his hand through my hair. He was such an older brother sometimes. But he knew how to comfort me.

"You're still burning up." He sighed, resting a hand on my forehead. "We're gonna have to-" The sound of the door opening stopped him and I jumped up and out of the bed to face my mom.

"Any news?" I asked quickly, my head spinning from standing up so fast.

"Yes, I heard from your father."

If my mom said anything after, I'd never know. I grabbed onto the bed suddenly, trying to catch my balance. My world starting fading and I could faintly hear Joe yelling my name before I collapsed down to the ground, darkness consuming me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you guys for the reviews last chapter! **

**I wanted to say a special thanks to Shauna**** And JajNashNY** **for their reviews! I loved how you guys told me what you liked and got descriptive. They were really fun to read!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.**

**Thanks everyone!**

.

**Oh, and I keep calling Nick "Nicholas", so that's why Joe does it more in this chapter. **

**Sorry! **

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"Nick? Nicholas, wake up." I felt someone gently tapping my face. I slowly opened my eyes and waited a second for them to fully focus. Joe's concerned face was the first thing I saw. My mom was a little bit behind him with the same look.

"Joe?" I asked slowly. It didn't make sense. I couldn't remember why I was on the ground or even where I was. My head was throbbing and I felt sick.

Joe let out a sigh. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Confusion was even greater now. My mind was clouded over and I didn't understand why Joe was asking if I was okay.

"Nicholas, do you know where you are?" He asked, making his words more clear. I broke eye contact with him and looked around.

"The hospital?" I looked back to him as I answered and he nodded.

"Do you remember what happened?" I racked my brain, searching for the answer to a question that shouldn't have been that hard. But just like it did to the people in the movies who had amnesia, it all suddenly came back to me. Kevin had been taken. Joe had been hurt. I had been pacing, waiting for news and I had gotten dizzy when my mom had come in. Somewhere from that point, I had ended up on the ground.

"Weren't you in a bed?" I asked, closing my eyes. Joe let out a laugh at my random question but I think it told him I remembered.

"Yes, I was." He answered, placing a hand on my forehead.

"But not anymore." My mom said. "When you fell, Joseph jumped up from that bed so quick that he ripped out his IV and almost caused himself more damage." I could hear the hint of joking in my mom's voice and figured she was smiling at Joe while she said this.

"Ouch." I whispered and they both let out a laugh.

"That's what I said."

People were running by the door and I heard my mom get up and walk over there. They were loud and yelling things I couldn't understand. For a second, I thought I heard my dad, but with all the noise, I couldn't be sure.

"Keep an eye on him. I'm gonna go check the damage." My mom said and I heard the door close, blocking out most of the commotion.

"What damage?" I asked.

"Nick…" Joe's voice trailed off for a second. "Do you…remember why mom came in my room?" I leaned into the touch of his cool hand against my burning forehead.

"No." I answered mindlessly.

"Uh…um…" He stuttered. "Kevin…"

That, however, was all he had to say before it clicked in my mind and I sat up suddenly, pulling away from his hand. It sent my head spinning in different directions but I didn't care.

"Nick, calm down!" Joe said frantically, but I ignored him. I grabbed my head, attempting to make it stop hurting.

"Kevin." I croaked, closing my eyes tightly from the pain. "Where is he?"

Joe started to wrap his arm around me but I pushed it away. "No. Where is he?!" I opened my eyes as tears started to form in Joe's.

"I…I…"

"Joe!" I cried desperately, tears filling my own eyes.

"I don't know." He whispered.

"You…you…what?" I choked.

"I don't know where he is Nicky." Joe said, a few tears running down his face.

"Where's dad?" Joe looked towards the door and it gave me any answer I needed.

"He got hurt Nicholas." Joe said.

"No…but I…I heard mom. She said she had just talked to him."

"What are you talking about?" Joe asked gently.

"That was the last thing I heard mom say before I woke up."

"Nick…I think you misunderstood her. She said she had talked to a police officer."

"No! I heard her say 'I talked to your father'!" I cried out. I wanted him to believe me. I had heard it.

"Nick…I…" He started but I cut him off.

"No! Just tell me where Kevin is! Tell me he's okay!"

"I can't." He whispered.

"Joe! Please!" Tears were pouring down my face but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I wanted Joe to work with me. To tell me where my older brother was.

"I'm sorry." I guess that's when it clicked for me. Joe couldn't tell me where Kevin was because Kevin was where I left him. And wherever that was, I didn't know. Kevin was missing.

And I was torturing the only person who could be there for me.

My mom could try as much as she wanted to help me, but only two people in the world could pull it off right now. One was sitting next to me and the other…the other was gone. He has been found and I didn't understand why he wasn't at the hospital right now.

So I cried.

I burst out into tears and allowed Joe to finally wrap his arms around me. Joe was crying too. I couldn't figure out if it had been more because of me, or more because of our older brother who should have been there with us.

I leaned into him and he let out a groan of pain.

"I'm sorry!" I gasped, pulling away.

"No no no. It's okay. I'm okay." He said, pulling me back into his arms.

"Please….please…" I cried, wrapping my arms around him. "Tell me this is gonna get better. Tell me things will be okay again."

Joe tightened his arms around me and rested his head on the top of mine.

"Things will be okay Nick. God is gonna pull us through. We just need to have faith."

"I just want things back to normal." I sniffed, closing my eyes to try and stop the tears but it didn't work.

"I know, Nicky. I do too." Joe said gently, running one of his hands through the back of my curls. I could hear him softly crying as he held onto me and my heart broke.

If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't be here. None of this would have happened. We would be back home, playing with Frankie or Joe would be throwing me to the ground, trying to be silly. Kevin would be at the computer and I would be standing behind him with some kind of fruit, just to annoy him because he hated it so much.

The thought of Kevin smiling as he tried to push me away when I did those things sent me further into hysteria.

I wondered if I would ever see Kevin smile again. I wondered if the next time Joe tackled me to the ground, would Kevin jump in and try to get him off me as we all laughed. I wondered if the house would ever feel like home again. But most of all, I wondered if I would ever be able to hug my brother again. To see him, to apologize for everything, and to just get one more chance.

One.

That's all I needed. One more chance. One more day before Kevin had been taken. One more moment where I could have told Kevin I was sorry. But I had blown it.

"Joe." I choked through tears.

"Hmm?" He asked, trying to comfort me.

"Where…where were you?"

"What do you mean?"

"When Kevin…You w-went looking f-for him. W-where were you w-when you got hurt?"

I felt Joe tense up and he tightened his grip even more. This time he was providing me with comfort, but had done it also to give himself some. He didn't say anything but I could feel his tears cascading down his face and onto me. He continued running his hand through my hair for an excuse to keep him occupied.

That's when I knew.

Joe had been with Kevin. Or somewhere around him when it happened. He may have seen it all or he could have seen nothing. But he knew something. And it was hurting him.

As he tried to comfort me, I rubbed his back softly with my hand. There was no need to separate who needed more comfort right now. We were both hurting and we were both upset.

I was crying and he was crying. We needed our older brother.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, resting against him.

"Don't be." He said softly.

"We need an air pump, he's not breathing!" I could hear it outside the door and I knew Joe was looking the same direction I was.

"Stay with us!"

"He's fading!"

"No!" That was my mom screaming. I knew it. And my heart froze.

"Nurse, get me the AED. His heart is stopping."

"We're losing pulse!"

"Level is dropping!"

"Nurse! Quickly!"

"Bringing in AED" A nurse shouted.

"Come on Kevin." The doctor said frantically. "Stay with us."


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Thanks for ALL the reviews last chapter and even for the silent readers!**

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**I'm sorry it took so long to update. I had 4 different chapters for this one and I couldn't decide what I wanted to happen so I kind of combined them. I still don't really know if this is where I want it to go but I'll roll with it**

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**Just to explain a few things in this chapter, I did do research on diabetic shock and Nick actually wouldn't have it. He would have the opposite but I needed it to play out like this so let's just pretend. It is, after all, just a story :)  
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**Thanks for reading and lemme know what you think (I.E. If I should change it or not)**

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Shock is a word that some website once defined as "Something that jars the mind or emotions as if with a violent unexpected blow." I only knew that because Joe had looked it up right after I had been diagnosed with diabetes. I didn't ever ask him why he did. I never really cared.

But shock was one of the many emotions I was feeling.

As soon as the words escaped that unknown man outside in the hallway, I felt my heart stop. That couldn't be our Kevin. That couldn't be my older brother. But as I heard someone yell "Mrs. Jonas! You need to step back!", I knew exactly what I had feared was true. There was no other sounds right now except for the ones that mattered most, right outside the door.

"He's dropping faster! Get those paddles charged up!" The doctor shouted but only moments after it was followed by a loud steady beep.

**Beeeeeeepppppppppppppp**

"Stand back! And…clear!" _One_. One shock to my brother's heart. One shock to mine. I felt Joe tighten his arms around me and mine felt weaker.

**Beeeeeeepppppppppppppp**

"Charging up…and….clear!" _Two_. Joe stopped breathing as I silently counted, begging God to do something. To step in. Why neither of us ran to the door, I'll never know.

**Beeeeeeepppppppppppppp**

"Come on Kevin!" The doctor shouted angrily. "Charging…and….clear!"

**Beeeeee-beep. Beep. Beep. **The steady sound of my brother's heart returned slowly.

_Three. _

"Pulse is rising." A nurse declared.

"Let's get him to surgery." The doctor said quickly. The hurried footsteps could be heard continuing down the hall, leaving Joe and I in a deadly silence. Shock is a word that some website once defined as "Something that jars the mind or emotions as if with a violent unexpected blow."

Shock was exactly what I was feeling as my world slipped away.

.

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that my eldest brother had just been shocked back to life right outside the door of the room of my other older brother who had been in a mysterious accident and inches away from death.

When I put it like that, I was even more horrible then I first thought.

It took me a moment to realize that Joe and I had synced together. We both weren't breathing and we were both staring at the door like it was the only thing that existed. I couldn't feel his arms around me anymore and I lost all strength to even attempt to hold him back. I didn't want to admit it, none the less do it, but I wanted to be able to feel Joe's arms. I needed comfort.

It was something unusual, yet usual at the same time. Our family had always been close and Joe and I had hugged before. We hugged everyday, but they were small hugs. Hugs to show our love or excitement for something or one another. When I fell asleep in Joe's arms earlier, that was the first time I had ever done that since I was a baby and Joe wanted to hold me to see what it was like.

This time was different.

I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in Joe's warm arms and wake up to find that none of this had happened. Right now, that seemed impossible. Right now, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. It was so unreal.

And Kevin had died.

I shuddered at that thought. It was only for a second. I could try to convince myself that but it still hurt. Still broke my heart. Still was slowly killing me for everything I had done.

"Nick, are you okay?" I didn't realize that shudder could be felt by Joe and I looked up at his worried face. I then realized how much I was worrying myself. Joe's face became blurry and I could feel myself becoming light headed.

"Nick?" His voice sounded further away then it should have. It was slow and echoed slightly in my confused head.

"Joe…" I tried desperately to get out what I wanted to say but I felt myself go weak and I collapsed back into Joe's arms.

"Nick. Nicholas." He shook me gently as he held me in his arms. My eyes were closed and I let out a groan. Everything was starting to hurt and my eyes felt too heavy to keep open.

"Joe." I whispered. I was starting to shake all over and Joe pulled me close to him to try and ease it.

"Nicky, I need you to open your eyes. Come on." He said, running his hand through my hair. I leaned into the familiar action and let out another groan.

"Come on buddy. Open your eyes. I know you can do it." He prodded, continuing to run his hand through my hair.

I figured out why I was sick.

In all the commotion over Kevin and Joe, I had completely forgotten to refill my OmniPod. My lack of insulin, added with the trauma from recent events, had caused too much stress on my body. I was taught about this at the very beginning but I had no idea what to do. These signs had me leading into a diabetic shock.

"Nick, I need you to open your eyes and tell me what's happening." Joe said gently, tapping me on the face. I always wondered if he knew that in actuality, that really did nothing to get someone to open their eyes. But I forced them open anyway, using any strength I could get.

"Joe." I choked.

"Nicky, what's going on?" He was trying to stay calm but I could still hear him panicking. Without mom around, there was no one he could get to help so he needed to decode what it was himself.

"I-I-I…" I closed my eyes again and could feel Joe holding me as the last of my strength left me.

"Nick!" Joe said frantically, shaking me gently. "Open your eyes. Please, Nick."

I knew he would surely have a heart attack if I let myself slip into sleep right then. So I opened my eyes again as I attempted to warn him.

"Joe…please…I need…" I stopped, my vision swarming in front of me. Joe placed a hand on my forehead and ran it back through my hair, begging me to continue.

"Nick, you gotta tell me what's happening. I need to help you." He said, keeping his hand locked into my curls. I closed my eyes and turned my head slightly, not breaking from his touch.

"In…in…in…" I couldn't get the word out. It was right there. Insulin. I had learned about this. It was one of the signs of insulin shock. Difficulty to speak.

"In…in somewhere?" Joe asked, trying to figure out what it was. I shook my head barely and he taped my face again, trying to get me to open my eyes.

"Soul." I said softly, keeping my eyes closed.

"In…soul…" He said to himself, confusion in his voice. "In…your soul? Nick, I don't understand."

"Lin." For some reason it was easier to say the words apart than the one word together. It gave me time to regain thoughts in between.

"In…soul….lin." I heard Joe saying. "In…soul…"

It was taking Joe too long to figure out what it was. I knew he had never been good at the games where you keep repeating a sentence that didn't make sense until it became one you couldn't believe you didn't get at first.

"In…soul…lin." Joe gasped. "Insulin!" I groaned to let him know he was right. I felt him lifting up the sleeve of my shirt and he gently took off my OmniPod. I heard him whisper something under his breath when he must have discovered it was empty.

"Nicky, I need you to open your eyes. You need to stay awake, okay? Come on." He said, lifting me up into a sitting position. My head rested against his shoulder as he held me up. I didn't have any strength.

"Too…tired." I whispered.

"Nick, I know you're tired but you need to stay awake. Open your eyes. Please. Do it for Kevin."

Now that was harsh. But it gave me the motivation I needed and Joe knew I needed. I opened my eyes as much as I could.

"Good job." He said softly. "Okay, I need you to brace yourself for a couple seconds. I gotta let go of you."

I nodded and he allowed enough room for me to place my hands on the floor to support myself. He let go and I felt the weight of my body come crashing down on me. I watched him stand up and let out a moan of pain, grabbing his stomach for a second before limping towards a small table. He grabbed something black off of it which I soon discovered was mom's purse as he sat down again.

I must have blacked out or something because the next thing I knew, I was feeling a sharp pain in my arm. It lasted for a moment until it lessened slightly. I let out a groan as feeling started returning back to me.

"Please wake up." Someone's voice floated to me. I groaned again, trying my best to ignore it.

"Please." The person begged. Joe. I felt my head starting to clear more and I could hear Joe crying.

"Please don't do this to me Nick." He cried, pulling me close and rocking back and forth. I used all the energy I had and reached up with one hand, grabbing one of his arms around me.

"Joe." I whispered.

"Nick." He gasped. "I need you to open your eyes. Come on. Please."

"I can't." I said tiredly. I felt like my eyes were glued shut. I was so tired but my strength was slowly coming back.

"Okay, open your mouth a little." He said and I did so, not questioning why. He slipped something in and it laid on my tongue. I was about to spit it out but Joe stopped me.

"Just let it melt." He said gently and I sighed, closing my mouth and letting the, what I soon discovered was chocolate, melt. I leaned my head against Joe's chest as more and more of my energy returned to me.

"Why are you crying?" I asked quietly, hearing his shaky breaths as he held me.

"I didn't want to lose you, Nick." He sniffed. For the first time since my strength came back, I opened my eyes tiredly and looked up at him. His eyes were puffy and red and he still had tears running down his cheeks.

"What do you mean?" I asked gently, at that moment realizing I was still holding onto Joe's arm and he was rubbing my back.

"I couldn't bear to lose someone else." He cried, his tears overwhelming him as he sobbed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Two years later and what can I say? This story wasn't going to be continued because I've changed. I've changed a lot in the way I write stories. But I realized I had over twenty reviews on the last chapter, and that deserved something for you guys. So I lifted the plot a little, making Nick's character grow a bit more into what I'm use to. If interested, I have more new stories that perhaps you all will like. Times have changed, and I hope you all will still enjoy the new me.**

**=)**

I could feel a pressure in my chest that was growing tighter with every passing second. Joe had made it seem like Kevin was gone, but I had just heard him being brought back to life.

"Is…Is Kevin…" I couldn't make the word out though. Joe seemed to pick up on the point and shook his head.

"No." He whispered, sniffing back his tears.

"Good." I mumbled, feeling suddenly tired. The exhaustion of everything was getting to me. If I was lucky, I could wake up to find this all a dream. It was a one in a million shot, but I had found that it wasn't impossible. I had been that one before. Plenty of times. I was living a life where I was that one.

I just needed that one chance to stay with me as I drifted off to sleep in Joe's arms.

When I woke, I noticed some things were different. For one, I was no longer wrapped in Joe's embrace. I was on something like a makeshift bed, lying on the floor on some kind of cushioning. As I peaked open my eyes, I saw that Joe was back in his own bed, hooked up to his IV again. He was talking softly with my mom, who was sniffing occasionally and rubbing her nose.

The second thing I noticed was that I felt…different. Like a completely different person. I realized, for the first time, I felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that my older brother had to hold me while I broke down like a small child. Embarrassed that I couldn't even take care of myself. And embarrassed that while I had been so concerned for Kevin, I had forgotten about my father.

Strike one.

I closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep. I could feel a new energy to me. I wasn't going to be that little child anymore. I needed to take a stand. No more awkward comfort from Joe. No more sentimental feelings of nonsense. No more of this insanity. Acting like a fragile person was not going to help Kevin. Not going to help the brother that I almost let die because I had once lost myself.

Strike two.

I couldn't pretend to sleep anymore, so I slowly pushed myself up, hearing the conversation above me stop. My mom grabbed my arm and helped stand, wrapping an arm around me and kissing the side of my forehead.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm fine." I said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "What about you Joe?"

"Still living." Joe replied with a small smile.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, wiggling out of her grip.

"A few hours." She said, smoothing down one of my curls. "Kevin is out of surgery."

"Where is he?" I wondered anxiously.

"ICU." She dabbed at her eyes.

"What about dad?" The question left me with silence. I could feel my heart dropping slowly.

"He…he was shot." Joe piped up quietly. I wanted to ask if he was all right, but the answer scared me. He had to be all right.

"It was so close to his spine. He was centimeters away from being paralyzed." My mom said through tears. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes and blinked a few times.

"I…I um…I'm gonna go use to bathroom. Excuse me." I slid out of the room quickly, my mind swirling. It was my fault. My father was almost paralyzed because of me. And while my father was a very forgiving man, I never would have forgiven myself. When I was younger, I accidentally cut my dad's finger with a knife. To make up for the stitches he had gotten, I made him a present that took three days to finish.

But this was something that no gift could make up for.

Before I could realize it, I had found myself in the ICU. I stumbled along blindly, not sure where I was going until I bumped into a nurse.

"Can I help you find something sweetie?" She asked.

"I…um…Kevin Jonas." I mumbled. She looked at me for a moment, realization dawning on her.

"Younger brother, right?" I nodded, a bit confused. "You look like him. He's in room 235."

I nodded thanks and walked away, following the numbers on the rooms until I found the one I was looking for. I stood in the doorway, not sure what to do.

A nurse was inside the room, checking over Kevin's IV's. I couldn't see him because she was blocking the view, but I cleared my throat nonchalantly, making her turn.

"Ah, brother I presume?" She asked. I nodded nervously. "You two look a lot alike."

"I've heard." I muttered.

"You're not supposed to be in here." She said politely.

"I know." I sighed. "I just…I needed to see…It's my fault that he's…I just wanted to make sure he was…"

"I understand." She beckoned me over with her hand. I walked forward and stopped next to her, gasping at the site of my oldest brother. He was pale. Bruises covered his face. There was a bandage wrapped around his head and dry blood matted into his dark hair.

"He's a lucky one." The nurse pulled me from my thoughts. "I'll give you a few minutes to yourself, ok? But then you really have to get out of here before the doctor finds out I let you in.

"Thank you." I whispered. She nodded and left me alone. I couldn't breathe. This wasn't my brother. This wasn't Kevin. I looked up at the machine keeping track of his heart. Once, my friend made me go with her to the hospital after her mom had a simple surgery. Her mom couldn't get the attention of any nurses, so she took off the wire connecting her to her heart machine, a loud shrilling noise filling the small space. We had always found it funny.

But I knew if that sound ever went off in here, it would be anything but funny.

This was my protector. My savior. My older brother. My best friend. The voice of reason. The comic relief. This was the boy who seemed to be an airhead, but was smarter than he looked. The boy who would drop anything and everything to help someone in need. The boy who was so charming he could make anyone's day.

This was my biggest mistake.

Letting my brother walk away when I should have known that I was being stupid. I was too weak to control what I was feeling. Too naïve to understand that every action has a consequence. And too trusting to think that something this bad could ever happen to someone I knew. To me.

Strike three.


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